"God help the man who ever really loves you. You'd break his heart, my darling, cruel, destructive little cat who is so careless and confident she doesn't even trouble to sheathe her claws." -Gone with the Wind

There are two things I want out of life:
1. For a man to love me as much as Rhett loved Scarlett, and
2. To not be so wrapped up in myself that a love like that could ever pass me by.

Please, God, never let me become that woman - too confident, too conceited, too goddamn self-absorbed to see what was right in front of her.

I am afraid of becoming her.

But then again, maybe a love like that only comes along in books and movies. Maybe I'm too well-read to ever be happy with a man in real life - my expectations are probably too damn high. Is it better to search for a dream that may never come true or to accept a reality about which you'll never feel completely satisfied?

I miss Mike more than I thought I would, more than I probably should given our circumstances. We only dated for a short period of time... in fact, it's hard for me to even say we dated, because we never discussed the status of our relationship until we "broke up." But I think I miss him so much because I feel robbed of the opportunity to discover the potential of what we could have had. Maybe it wouldn't have worked out - maybe he would have been so hung up on Debbie that our relationship never would have gotten a chance to develop, or maybe we would have realized that we were completely incompatible. But now I feel like I'll never know. I know that he will be back in a year and that there's always a chance that something will happen when he comes back. Part of me wants to hold a candle for him, but the other part of me feels like that would be such a waste of a year of my life. Why should I put my life on hold for a boy who I had only been dating for a couple of weeks? Maybe it's the idea of pining away for a soldier overseas that appeals to me so much. I used to think that was so romantic - now I'm starting to realize that the reality of it FUCKING SUCKS.

What it comes down to is that I am alone and I am lonely and I just want to be loved.
posted by Jen at 9:04 PM